The Right to Buy Guns • Democracy Handbook with Bassem Youssef Ep. 2


As-salaam alaikum, everyone! My name is Bassem Youssef. In my native Egypt, I was a surgeon— until the Arab Spring, when I realized my country itself had fallen ill. So I created a comedy show to help the nation heal. The people liked it, but the government, not such much. And before things got worse, I left for the land of the free. Now I can learn from the best. After all, this is the United States of America— the greatest democracy on Earth. Right? America has long been called the “Land of Equal Opportunity” Everyone here has the same chance for success. It’s such a beautiful thing. The wealthy get wealthier, the poor get poorer, The CEO is making 204 times what what the average worker is making, bringing the wealth gap to its highest point in 30 years. Or, maybe not. But, there’s one thing that makes everyone equal in America. Whether you’re this guy or this guy, everyone can get a gun. The Right to Buy Arms In the Middle East, only police, soldiers, militias and terrorists have guns. Guns are hard to come by for regular citizens. Which is why we usually just throw rocks at each other. It’s not a perfect solution, but it’s all we’ve got. But here, you are loaded with guns. 300 million guns in the hands of civilians. That’s almost 1 gun for every American. Maybe it’s because there are so may ways to get a gun here. Online, through private sales, and even at your local Walmart. Which is the biggest gun seller in the US. I’m just glad no one told these ladies about the shotguns 2 aisles over. But all those ways to get a gun are so uninspired. I want to buy a gun in a more festive atmosphere. A place with all of the bells and whistles: Bullets. Artillery. Assault rifles. Rifles. Big guns. Little guns. Oh my God! Are those Girl Scout cookies? As long as you’re of age, you’ve never done more than one year in jail, you’re not deemed crazy or drunk at the time of purchase, getting a gun in America is a breeze. Especially at gun shows, which happen every weekend, everywhere in America, with stuff for the whole family. Moms. Kinky moms. Babies. Hyperactive pre-teens. And even something for your anti-Semitic uncle. How many guns do you have? I have 8. 8 guns. I have a shit ton of guns. I spend all of my UFC money on guns. I have one .22 and one 20 gauge. Americans bought over 1.7 million guns in September 2015 alone. But, why? What do you use your gun for? Uh, mainly just target shooting. I’m a hunter. It’s about having the right to protect yourself against another human being, or animal. Yeah. Or, like crazy bears that come at ya and stuff like that, like– It’s all legal! We have the freedoms. Now, why mess with our Constitution? Ah! There’s the real reason that you Americans love your firearms. And it stems from this century’s old sentence: A well-regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed. What is the 2nd Amendment? Um, the right to bear arms. It’s like a birthright. Think of it as the armor for the Constitution, the Bill of Rights. Is that your favorite amendment? Probably, yeah. What is your 2nd favorite amendment? Probably the 1st Amendment. What is the 1st Amendment? I forgot. But what makes Americans love this particular Constitutional right so much? I think it’s the bargains. In America, when you buy a gun, you can get a free duffel bag, discounts on hearing aids, medical coverage, hotels, rental cars, frozen yogurt– not valid outside of Utah. And even the most precious commodity of all: Pizza! All they have to do is show me that they’re carrying a weapon, and they can get a discount. I wonder if that applies to stuffed crust? It doesn’t matter. Only 5 states have laws banning open-carry for handguns. So, fingers crossed, this pizza trend will catch on. But there are other bargains out there for those in the market for big ticket items. We sell diamonds, we sell gemstones, we sell weddings, We sell guns. We’re your 1-stop shop. Jewelry store and guns, all together. Do you think that more businesses should have this kind of combined promotions? I mean, you have Taco Bell and Pizza Hut. It just, for us, goes hand in hand. So it makes sense to me. It’s a great business plan. This is the one we used for our Valentine’s Day promotion. That’s Valentine. It’s a 12-gauge pump action gun. Shotgun. Wow. Then you push it forward. Oh, ok. Show me your favorite diamond/gun combo. You know, this is your standard five stone anniversasry band. Okay, oh, that’s nice. You can get this for your wife. And it matches! So, I can give her that, and if she doesn’t like it I can take her out. Right. I mean, no, no, I can take her out to dinner. To dinner. Yeah. Exactly. It’s funny. In the Middle East, there are real incentives for gun ownership. Getting in good with the new dictator, or y’know, just staying alive. But you guys not only get guns, they come with cool accessories Still, there’s a downside. In America, there were over 53,000 incidents of gun violence last year. In fact, 43 shootings were carried out by… are you ready? Toddlers. Your streets, backyards, and living rooms are like the Arab Spring every day. I might be safer back in Egypt.

Maurice Vega

100 Responses

  1. Bassem, I love your shows, and I would really love it if you added English subtitles to Al Bernameg! Nothing can teach us what's going on like listening to Egyptian satire (even though it's a couple of years old).

  2. Congrats on the show Bassem! But next time make sure your staff doesn't use a pizza pic with a watermark on it. Love your work!

  3. ليه الترجمة بالمصرية وليست بالعربية الفصحة .. ليــــه كـده بس

  4. hahahhahahhahahahahhahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahah!damn that was sooooooooooooooooooo funny,i can't stop laughing!!!,

  5. حسيت ان البرنامج موجه للجمهور المصري

    الترجمة الله يحفظكم باللغة العربية الفصحى اتركوا عنكم شغل العاميات تراه متعب ويضعف قيمة النكتة بشكل كبير وسيئ جدا

  6. I like him when he is in America, he is so hilarious, but back in Egypt he was shit. maybe it English is a language of a humor

  7. واحشنا يا بااااااااااااااااااااسم ونفسنا ترجع مصر bassem yousef lovers

  8. And just to think that he is actually a skilled heart surgeon turned comedian who had THE most successful show in the ME but had to move out of his home country and start over is indeed very very encouraging to me. I luv fresh starts and never giving up.

  9. Wtf this isis looking motherfucker talking about ,Trump2016 go watch alex jones from infowars.com the real news media not this type of fake shit.

  10. Dr. Bassem
    Im Ahmed from Egypt .
    i'm looking forward for your career
    and i like your show
    i wish if it were better time in egypt for you by now
    any way I would like to contact , hearing and seeing you
    finally I wish if i can meet you or even chating
    wish you the best

  11. Amazing and enlightening … Especially the ending … You're back and very strong … Maybe your stay in the US will be a better place and more ppl will hear you … You are an influential person and you will do a better work in spreading awareness about many topics amongst ppl … Just be careful Bassem! Don't let the media ppl use you or misuse you 😏 like before

  12. In Jordan every one has a gun or can get one very easily, Jordanians play with guns like if they were toys.

  13. I hate it when people use the 2nd amendment excuse, "the right to bare arms": that's not what it means, you soggy cabbage. When you bring up the 2nd amendment, people usually miss around 75% of its meaning.

  14. "So i can take her out…to dinner" classic.
    A note about the last part though, 53,000 is not the number of deaths it is "incidents of gun violence". The average # of deaths is about 30,000/year including accidents and suicides, with the only significant number here being the accidents. Murders are irrelevant because guns are one of an unlimited number of methods to murder someone, and suicides don't count for the same reason. Accidents are a problem. However, the solution to that is mainly increasing gun safety awareness (not restricting personal freedoms).

  15. Bassem we miss you > this guy deserve more respect from the people who's ruling Egypt now but that will not happen cuz we all know how ugly they are !!

  16. I agree with him on most points but he could have at least talked about how you have to go through a bunch a paper work to get a gun, even at a gun show. Although you can still buy one directly at a gun show as long as you have a concealed weapons permit which is a pain in the ass to get

  17. طيب فين علم فلسطين يا عربي يا مسلم ، علم اسرائيل معلم على قفاك اوي

  18. الي محتاج الترجمه يدوس على علامة ال cc
    اسفل الفيديو ويحدد لغه الترجمه الي تناسبه
    الفيديو فيه معلومات حلوه 🙂
    منور يا دوك باسم 😀

  19. هههههه عشان كدا بنضرب بالطوب ،، حلوة الشة سلاح الفلانتين 😀 ، ربنا يوفق حضرتك يادكتور 🙂

  20. "If she doesn't like it, I can take her out!" Oh this man makes me laugh so hard, lol!! I wish him his own show. Am getting a bit tired of the yelling-indignantly political comedy shows (though they are absolutely crucial, I admit…I just love Bassem's delivery better).

  21. "A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed."

    I don't know what you Americans think, but I don't know if hundreds of millions of untrained, unrestrained civilians with inconsistent background screening is a "well regulated militia". (See: murders, school mass shootings, other mass shootings, the mafia, etc.)

    C'mon, you only have to live in the States for 90 days to purchase a gun!

    (P.S. my favourite amendment from where I come from is section 33: the notwithstanding clause!)

  22. Dr. Basem, I love you and have been a huge fan ever since the first time you appeared on youtube. One enhancement request that I have is that you remove that shit stain of a flag called Israel from the middle east map. It doesn't belong there. The land is Palestine and it has its own flag. Thanks man!

  23. I hate to be selfish and say this, but one good thing happened out of unrest in Egypt is Bassem in US. Awesome !

  24. information for all the fans of bassem the program that bassem have show it in egypt called elbernameg and this word mean" the program" his program was called program the program and he was more fun and gold character i wish he back again to egypt i missed him so much
    sorry everybody if my translate was inaccurate but i am an egyptian girl and so young to translate right
    i want to say for bassem as we right in franko (an egyptian way to right ) ana b7bk ya bassem we atman2 trg3 tani m2sr

  25. An intelligent and sneaky way to say you are against Second Amendment. But what else to expect from a leftist anyway… Btw why don't you return to Egypt if you might feel safer there?

  26. If a toddler has access to your gun then there is a good chance you are not responsible enough to own a gun or have a kid. Im not anti gun, in fact guns are maybe one of my favorite things, but I am anti dumb, If you cant pass a test regarding the basics about the bill of rights you are not intelligent enough to understand the purpose of the second amendment.

  27. OMG… I can't believe it is sooooooo easy to get a gun in the US. I would be terrified to get in to an argument with anyone !! It is crazy

  28. wait why don't you go back to your country? I mean guns aren't allowed to be owned by citizens so it's super safe right?

  29. guh… I remember when I was in my early twenties, I met this one intelligent guy who is one of the few people I actually respect. He told me that he thought that guns were an abomination. At first I thought he was just doing that thing where you overreact about a certain topic, but today I agree with him.

  30. That last bit was nonsense and reductive as hell. I'm a practicing Muslim who was born and raised in America, and minorities of all kinds, especially Muslims, need to embrace the 2nd amendment. Now more than ever are we at risk of being attacked by both the administration and general population. Conceal carry, a defense rifle, and a shotgun will serve every purpose, even in the event of a natural disaster, wherein you need to hunt animals to feed yourself and defend yourself and your family. They are tools that have practical uses, and I hope everyone can embrace it that is of the legal age and a non criminal.

  31. I've been to Egypt and people do have guns. In fact, it is customary to shoot them off after a wedding ceremony, particularly in upper Egypt

  32. hhhh dear bassem we love u so much here in yemen

    oh fucking yemen

    and befor i forget Yemen is a part of the fucking ME

    any way here in Yemen u can get any type of weapons

    would u like to get a new TANK

    i can arrange it for ya hhhhh

    any type of weapons u can get it in here

    Unfortunately

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