The Government Shutdown Ends & Fox News Can’t Decide Whether Trump Won or Lost | The Daily Show


After 35 days of the longest
shutdown in American history, America’s government is
officially open for business. The shutdown is over. 800,000 furloughed
federal workers will go back to work today and should be getting
their back pay within days. TV REPORTER: That fix only opens
the government for three weeks, and it does not provide
any new money for a border wall as
President Trump had demanded. I am very proud
to announce today that we have reached a deal
to end the shutdown and reopen
the federal government. Okay, first of all, there’s
nothing to be proud of. Second of all, there’s not
really a deal. Like, have you ever noticed how
all of Trump’s accomplishments are just fixing things
that he broke? He’s like, “Folks, good news. I’ve freed the immigrant kids
from their cages.” “Wait, who put them in cages?” “Also me. “I’m glad to announce North Korea isn’t gonna
blow us up anymore.” “Wait, why were they gonna
blow us up?” “‘Cause I called him
a fat little rocket man.” (laughter and applause) And who can forget
when he dropped the White House bust
of Abraham Lincoln, but then he was also the one
who taped it back together. Yeah. And you can’t even tell
the difference. He’s like,
“I’m proud to announce “the refurbishment
of this Lincoln statue. “Sadly, it was not filled
with candy as I had hoped, folks.” So, the government shutdown
is officially over. Which is great, because federal workers
are getting paid again. The FDA can inspect food again, and the national parks
can finally clean up their trash and put it where it belongs:
the ocean. And although the shutdown ended, that doesn’t mean it hasn’t
left behind some lasting damage. The nonpartisan Budget Office
today estimated the last partial shutdown
cost the economy $11 billion, three billion of which
will never be recovered. The government shutdown
was particularly hard on contract employees. Those contractors
aren’t guaranteed back pay. The IRS is gonna be struggling to get returns out
to some Americans on time. It could take at least a year
to get back to normal after five million pieces
of mail went unopened. You know, life is so unfair. The IRS just gets to be like, “Oh, sorry.
We couldn’t do your taxes because we didn’t open
our mail.” But if we tried that… If we said,
“Oh, we didn’t file our taxes because we didn’t open
our mail,” now all of a sudden we’re
roommates with Wesley Snipes. And don’t get me wrong. I love Blade,
but not 24 hours a day. So, now, thanks to the shutdown, the IRS is behind, like, a year, which is bad news for everyone
except Trump. He’s probably gonna be like,
“Oh, that’s too bad. I was just about to have them
release my tax returns.” So, although
it was only 35 days, the government shutdown’s
effects will continue to hurt America
for a while. And maybe it would have been
all worth it for Trump if he had gotten some
of that sweet, sweet wall money, but he folded
with nothing to show for it. And even some of his strongest
supporters are admitting that Trump got owned
by Nancy Pelosi bigly. Some right-wing media analysts
have been merciless in the criticism
of President Trump. “Broken man.” “Biggest wimp.” “Trump just allowed Nancy
to walk all over him.” It’s clear
Trump did not come out on top. I’m not gonna spin it for you. She has just whipped the
president of the United States. -And this…
-No! No, no. Stop. Stop, stop. That’s a victory
for Nancy Pelosi. It will be perceived as such on every television monitor
and screen in the country, and to deny it is to try
to escape from reality. Damn. You know it’s bad when even Trump’s personal
cheerleaders are dunking on him. You understand these are the
people he watches every night to make him feel good
about himself, and now they’re trashing him. It’s like,
imagine if you had a book of inspirational quotes
that you used every day, and then one day you opened it, and it was like,
“Nigga, kill yourself!” That’s the pain
he’s feeling right now. (laughter) And you heard…
you heard what Lou Dobbs said. If you can’t acknowledge that Nancy Pelosi
whupped Trump’s ass, then you are not in touch
with reality. And honestly, I don’t know why Lou Dobbs delivered
this message on TV. He could have just posted a sign
in the Fox News breakroom. Anyone out there, by the way, thinking President Trump
caved today, you don’t really know
the Donald Trump I know. He right now
holds all the cards. He will secure the border
one way or another. I don’t see it as a cave.
I see this as a process. This is a halftime, uh, stop
in the action. So, did he cave? Did he not? The answer is
absolutely he did not cave. He did not cave. He made a tactical decision, a strategy decision to pick the ground to fight on. “To pick the ground to fight on! To pick the ground!” Yo, this… I’m sorry,
this is unbelievable. No matter what Trump does,
he’s always a mastermind who’s accomplishing
precisely what he wanted to do. Like, if Trump was boxing
and he got knocked out cold, like, Jeanine Pirro
would be like, “Brilliant. “Another strategic
consciousness pause “by President Trump. You can’t get knocked down
if you stay on the ground!” (laughter and applause) What a… But, look, if you ignore
the stans over at Fox News, it’s pretty clear this shutdown was a political disaster
for President Trump. It hurt the economy, it destroyed
his approval ratings, and, worst of all,
he’s not getting his wall. And remember,
Congress only has three weeks to reach an agreement
on border security before the government
runs out of money again. But the good news is… the good news is there probably
won’t be another shutdown. Because after seeing
how bad this shutdown went, like, only a true moron would think of shutting down
the government again, and no one…
no one is that stupid, right? We begin today
with the president’s acting chief of staff,
Mick Mulvaney. Is the president really prepared to shut down the government
again in three weeks? Um, yeah,
I think he actually is. My man.

Maurice Vega

100 Responses

  1. You know the closer and closer we get to the end of his term the more I see my prediction of his death due to self inflicted bullet hole to the head 3 months after he steps out of office while sitting one night viewing on multiple screens the failure of his presidency is becoming quite clearly possible. Pity though I had plans for this potentially influential peice but how do I compete against such adverse obstacles I may have to find another alternative resource. Still though I don't seem to see total defeat within his eyes yet, especially where most would by now. Hmm….i shall watch him a little longer before moving on.

  2. We are the only country that negotiates by destroying itself Trump is dangerous and he's making us the laughing stock of the world

  3. Congress is so troublesome. Just declare the national emergency and build the damn thing already. 90% of Congress should have no say in it, ESPECIALLY chuck

  4. I love how the supporters that are now shitting on him are like "he's such a loser on live TV and everyone is going to see it" but like you're talking about a PRESIDENT who fed fast food to people visiting the white house and THAT was televised. He makes HIMSELF look like a loser and doesn't need Nancy Pelosi to do ANYTHING to help him out in that arena.

  5. When the Government shutdowns, then all the workers shouldn’t have to pay taxes. If they don’t work they shouldn’t get paid!

  6. Correct me if I am wrong, but aren't democrats and republicans equally guilty for this shutdown. Isn't it because they disagree? So why is it you only show one side of the coin? Is it because you want to brainwash your viewers, is it because you are trying to divide the American people or did I miss something?

  7. I'd like to take a pause in consciousness until we have a new president. Just a nice long nap too get me through this.

  8. Michelle Obama for president end of the story I'm not voting unless shes running tell the world. I'm talking to you Trevor, make it happen. Please

  9. Oh fuck can't wait for the next shutdown. This brings me back to the time I was scolded for sneaking into my mom's room and taking my Gameboy advanced sp… And then did it again the next day…

  10. Are we just going to pretend trevor said the n word . I dont care what shade of black you are no african says the n word

  11. Aww, i wish it would last longer, there's a lot of people out there wishing for USA to lose more, folks! And they have a reason to wish for it. 🙂

  12. Dear Trevor, U are just another f#cking stupid snowflake like all leftist garbage. Sorry, dumbass, U lose AGAIN!!! Greetings from 3rd World!!! A piece of advice: move to Venezuela or Cuba without ur money and know the reality about leftist governments…BLM soy boy!

  13. He did not cave. He collapsed and yes, he now holds all the cards. Soccer red cards of course and you know what that means… SHAME on you, Orange Man!

  14. Here's the thing…by telling trump supporters that Nancy walked all over trump they are shifting the blame of the shut down on her rather than trump. They're trying to make trump supporters say, "If Nancy didn't get involved we would of got the money! She's the reason the shut down was useless!"

  15. The pain he’s feeling? I think it’s been established that Trump is a monster with no feelings other than entitlement.

  16. Sweden is having huge fun at USA now…how retarded can a country bee
    Kick that Drumph dud and his family out of office.
    The mayor problem is that – where to send them – One country will have the only – The Orange county at Guantanamo Bay – that nice resort with free clothes in orang seems to fit that family ….

  17. Okay for starters those immigrant kids shouldn't have f**** been here to begin with, Using women and children as political bullet Shields is disgusting. the men who brought those women and children here to be in that situation instead of trying to better their own countrys are foolish and weak as Trevor Noah here is. Trump also fixed the f**** problem that your you caused which was Obamacare which FYI was straight up robbery to most poor Americans who didn't have health care. he also practically ended the Korean war which has killed thousands of people an had been going on long before he was president so it wasn't a problem he caused. to say that Donald Trump does nothing but fix problems he causes is massively disingenuous do the fact that the man's got hundreds of millions of dollars it is vastly successful in his own right without being the president. But you see that's the thing at least Donald Trump tries to fix any problems he sees he might have caused, Obama and many other presidents have caused s*** tons of problems that they never fixed. And what the f*** have you got to show for yourself Trevor some s*** talk show with lower ratings than some YouTube channels even get and will probably be forgotten like most others like it's kind. That is one awful legacy, history will remember this president that you hate but it won't remember you. and I'm fully aware it probably won't remember me either I just don't give a shit. Get f*** you goddamn oxygen thief.
    🙂

  18. Shutdown isn't over yet Dems can't make there mind up if they wanna kill Americans or help then it's a temporary bill that open the government for 3 weeks

  19. Germany here watching, Trevor you and your team are awesome. Best entertainment, keep up opening eyes of the retards. Well at least try to 😀

  20. – A message from his majesty King Donald, first of his name.

    You say. 
    The price of my wall's not a price that you're willing toupee.
    The cries
    Of the children in cages are nothing but media lies.
    I'm so great
    Too great to make deals with progressives and people I hate.
    I'll shut down
    The government once more in three weeks if you won't bow down.

  21. Trump is technically a terrorist he took children from their parents as hostage now using government shutdown as a hostage situation

  22. Being on TV was more important to him than that wall…
    The wall isn't about American safety, it's about his ego and compensating for what he lacks in the pants.

  23. I'm going to defend the reasoning of Sean, Jeanine, etc. for a second. Trump has not lost … yet. He still has two guaranteed years of office in which he can get the wall started. He only loses if he gives up (not happening), or if he leaves office without a wall (much more likely). Until then, the game, so to speak, is not over. It is true that he caused a five week shutdown and had nothing to show at the end of it, and that his big saving grace was that McConnell wouldn't allow any other plan to come to a vote if there was no wall money. The big thing is that right now, the Democrats are united against the wall, and won't let it come to fruition if they can help it.

  24. True story…when Trump looked directly at the sun during the eclipse Fox news covered it by saying
    "Our president did something today that is perhaps one of the most amazing things a president has ever done in the history of our country. He looked directly at the sun during a solar eclipse!"
    And no they did not say this like "look how amazing stupid this man is" they tried making him sound super human for doing it. If Trump shit on the White House lawn Hannity would get up bare assed on his desk and shit. It's ridiculous.

  25. with all the shits he done…they should think how to remove him from being pres.. man if this continues.. well america me

  26. UN says, the Philippines is fucked for electing a psychopath for a president, and at some point there is probably a bit of truthness to it, but when I say America elected a moron for their president, I say that in absolute preciseness.

  27. You can't get knocked down if you stay on the ground 😂😂😂😂😂😆😆😆😆 hilarious!!!

  28. Donald trump is Idiotic, Disgusting, and Shameful to humankind. And don't forget that he Writes capital Letters on things that Shouldn't have capital Letters. Impeach this Rapist, Sexist, Racist, Oopma-Loompa some people Call a president.

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