Tag: Jokes

December 9, 2019

Elizabeth Warren Breaks Down Her Wealth Tax, Medicare for All and Pinky Promises

-Democracy can’t just be about millionaires and billionaires, and this democracy is already working great for them. This country, this economy is already working great for them. -Yeah. I was gonna — Let me ask you about that. ‘Cause I see all these polls and I read these things that say the economy is doing great, never been better. Unemployment’s...

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December 3, 2019

Slow Jam the News with President Obama

President Obama still has eight months left in office before his second term is up. Naturally, this is a time to look back on all he’s accomplished over the past eight years. You know, I was going to make a joke about this, but I — [ Laughter ] I don’t think it needs a joke. I think it needs...

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November 18, 2019

Everyone In China Is Getting A ‘Social Credit Score’

THERE IS SOME DISTURBING NEWS FROM CHINA, AND IT’S NOT JUST THAT THEY STILL ENJOY THE “TRANSFORMER” MOVIES. IF YOU THOUGHT THE WAY FACEBOOK TRACKS YOU WAS SCARY, IT’S GOT NOTHING ON THE CHINESE GOVERNMENT, WHICH JUST UNVEILED A SYSTEM OF MONITORING AND GRADING EVERY CITIZEN’S BEHAVIOR. IN ONE CITY, IT ASSIGNED 1,000 POINTS TO EACH OF THE 740,000 RESIDENTS....

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November 17, 2019

Twitter’s Ban On Political Ads Is A Jab At Mark Zuckerberg

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November 13, 2019

Maisie Williams Accidentally Drops a Major Spoiler in Game of Thrones’ Final Season

-Everyone’s probably asking you the same questions about “Game of Thrones” and it’s the final season. but I was gonna ask you, do you have a top five maybe iconic moments of your character, of Arya’s moments on the show? -I do. I mean, there are so many. But in terms of things that have really defined her, I think...

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October 30, 2019

The Clinton Foundation Email Scandal: Is It A Thing?

>>Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. BEFORE THE COMMERCIAL BREAK, WHICH I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED, WE WERE TALKING ABOUT THE INTERNET CONSPIRACY THEORY THAT HILLARY CLINTON IS SUFFERING FROM BRAIN DAMAGE. WHAT IS STILL “EMBUNKED” IS HILLARY CLINTON AND HER EMAILS. YESTERDAY, IT CAME OUT THAT THE F.B.I. HAS UNCOVERED 15,000 MORE PREVIOUSLY UNSEEN EMAILS FROM HER PRIVATE SERVER. THAT IS...

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October 28, 2019

Trump Wishes The Dems Were “Kiddingly” About Impeachment

WELCOME. WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO “THE LATE SHOW.” I’M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT. AND FOLKS — ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) — IN LIGHT OF THE DARKNESS THAT IS THE TRUMP PRESIDENCY, I’D LIKE TO START TONIGHT WITH SOMETHING NICE. LAST NIGHT, GYMNASTICS WORLD CHAMPION SIMONE BILES THREW OUT THE FIRST PITCH AT GAME TWO OF THE WORLD SERIES,...

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October 27, 2019

Denzel Washington Paid for Chadwick Boseman to Study at Oxford

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October 27, 2019

DANE BAPTISTE: P.U.S.S.Y POLITICS, TOXIC BLASCULINITY…

(crowd cheering) – Thank you, thank you very much ladies and gentlemen I’ll try and keep this brief because apparently some of you are on fucking dialysis. So… (crowd laughing) Which is fine. I’m not making fun of that. That’s a real serious issue. In you come sir, no problem, no problem at all. You’re trying to hide. You’re coming...

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October 15, 2019

Wheel of Impressions with Nick Kroll

-All right, here’s how it works. I’m going to press this button here, which activates the impression generator. It will land on one random celebrity who we can do an impression of and one random topic. And so whoever’s turn it is, they have to do an impression of that celebrity talking about that topic. Since you’re my guest, my...

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