Political Chaos in Venezuela & The Rise of a Cocoa Cartel | The Daily Show


You may remember that Venezuela
is a country in chaos right now. The economy has crashed,
people can’t afford food, and two men both claim
to be the rightful leader– President Nicolás Maduro and the head of the Venezuelan
congress, Juan Guaidó. And over the weekend,
there was an awkward moment when Guaidó showed up
at the office and found that Maduro
had changed the locks. WOMAN: There was chaos
outside Venezuela’s opposition-controlled
National Assembly. Security forces blocked
opposition leader Juan Guaidó from presiding over
a special session of congress to elect a leader. At one point yesterday,
Guaidó tried to climb a fence, but was prevented
from entering. Guaidó has been recognized
as Venezuela’s head by more than 50 nations,
including the U.S. Opposition leaders blamed
President Nicolás Maduro for the move to try
and oust Guaidó. Goddamn! What is going on
in Venezuela? It’s like
Southern America Ninja Warrior. What is that? Politicians are trying to climb
over the fence just to vote. That would never happen
in America. Can you imagine Mitch McConnell
climbing a fence to try to get into Congress? Although he probably
wouldn’t climb. He would just try and ooze
through the bars. (laughter) He’d just be like, “Yeah,
I’m-I’m mostly skin. Yeah. Mm. Yeah.” Seriously, I’m very impressed
by Guaidó, because there’s no vote
that would be important enough for me to try and jump a fence that had all of
those sharp points on top of it. I’d be like, “Uh, is this a vote “to replace my testicles
for free? Uh, then, no,
I’m gonna wait outside.” I bet there was one politician
inside the building who was like, “I wonder
which way Guaidó’s gonna vote, “because right now, he seems
to be on the fence! “Get it? Get it? Just me? Okay.” (applause and cheering) All right, and finally… if you love chocolate,
first of all, congratulations on being basic,
and, second, prepare to pay up. The top two cocoa producers
in the world– this is front page news
in the Wall Street Journal– have decided to join forces
and form a cocoa cartel. Ivory Coast and Ghana, combined, produce about two-thirds
of the world’s cocoa supply. MAN 2:
Wow. MAN: And they are banding
together to raise prices. So you can expect the cost of
candy bars, ice cream and cake to go up about 16%. Premium cocoa prices are due
to take effect in October. This is
a super interesting story, ’cause on the one hand,
you think of chocolate bars… -Yeah. -…and you think,
like, Willy Wonka, -and, like, everyone’s having
fun. -Right. -Yes. -Nah.
-And the golden ticket, yes. All right, this is big. Two of the world’s biggest
cocoa producers have teamed up to form the cocoa cartel, which also happens
to be my stripper name. (laughter) Don’t forget.
Tickets are still available for the show at the Man Cave
next Tuesday. The DJ doesn’t come in
that early, so I need you guys to hum
Britney Spears while I dance. (laughter) But for real, but for real,
it’s a cocoa cartel. It’s a real thing.
Sounds like a lot of fun. ‘Cause now I’m imagining,
like, cocoa dealers opening briefcases
of cocoa powder. Like, “This better be pure.” And just like, “Mmm! Mr. Toblerone
will be very pleased.” (laughter) It’s also funny how,
when the news anchor said, “Most people think of chocolate,
they think of Willy Wonka.” Who? Who thinks that? ‘Cause you realize Africa makes
75% of the world’s cocoa, right? So if Charlie got
a golden ticket in real life, they would ship him to Ghana
to meet the real Willy Wonka. -Yeah, that’s who that would be.
-(applause) That would be
the real Willy Wonka. (applause and cheering) That movie would be completely
different if it was real life. Charlie would be there
in the factory. Willy Wonka would be like,
“Now, Charlie, look at me. “Look at me, Charlie. “You are the captain now, okay? “That fat German kid
had to die, Charlie, “because you are the best. “So if anyone comes,
you tell them you are running everything here,
all right?”

Maurice Vega

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Post comment