Onion News Network Today Now! Later on in the hour tips for stretching out
your vagina without having a baby. But first, in today’s tough economic times,
money stresses can really be overwhelming. Yeah, but help is on the way.
Author Christine Eckard, is here to show us some exercises
to reduce stress. Hi Christine. -Good morning.
-Hi Jim and Tracy. Christine, I’m so glad you’re here.
I’m about ready to snap. -She is. The first thing we’re going to learn
about is problem visualization. -Oh, ok.
-It’s a simple method for reducing stress, by assigning an image to represent
your anxieties. -Ok.
-That sounds simple enough. The first thing I like to do is imagine
my money related stress, as the most disgusting, terrifying
creature I can think of. -Ok. -I like to imagine an ugly,
greasy little creature with a hooked nose and oily black hair. -Oh, he is scary.
-I call him the Grabbler, because he’s a greedy little monster
who wants to grabble up all my money. Now close your eyes
and picture the Grabbler. Ok, there he is. Now think of all the problems
your Grabbler is causing. He invented interest rates,
like the ones on your credit card. He’s taking the jobs,
because Grabblers only hire their own kind. I just want to get rid of him. Now imagine the Grabbler
slowly disintegrating, like a pile of ashes,
blown away by a purifying wind. And now you’re in a peaceful meadow,
full of lilies, swaying in a gentle breeze. They’re not scheming
or trying to rob me. -Wow, that really works.
-What a relief, I feel so relaxed. Now this image visualization works
for other kinds of stresses besides money. Exactly, say you had an argument
with someone at work, take that social stress and visualize it
being due to a Blabbler. Blabbler, well look at that. Blabblers represent all that
negative energy we experience, when dealing with difficult personalities. You know, the kinds of people who love
to argue and complain in nasal voices. -Oh, I know people like that.
-These stresses are everywhere too. They are, they’re always lurking like rats. You know that’s way sometimes
meditative exercises aren’t enough. So, take you mind off your stress by doing
something good for yourself, exercise. -I know I feel better after my yoga class.
-Right, right. I will often go for a long walk
in the middle of the night, to throw flaming bottles
at certain houses, or even sneak in through the back doors and light their curtains on fire
while they’re asleep. Working up a sweat to rid yourself
of that stress. Alright, well Christine, thanks so much
for being our guest this morning. -Thanks Christine.
-and sharing your advice. Everyone should check out
Christine’s new book, “The Solution: Kill all the Grabblers”,
and it’s available in bookstores now. And when we come back, why you don’t
have to wait until after you’re forty to have sex after forty. Still ahead this hour… How to protect your home
from outside opinions.