How I Seize It #138: POLITICAL PARTIES


Hey…
HEY! It’s your Loretta Jenkins here.
Your election pungent. What year is it?
It it fall yet? Where’s my goddamn phone…
Oh fuck, it’s still 2014?!? Why’d you wake me up so fuckin’ early?
I bet this is a political conspiracy. They tryin’ to suppress my vote
just because I like to entertain a couple of black gentlemen’s…
But if it ain’t but 2014, then why is everybody advertisin’
this ‘Ready For Hillary’ shit? Huh, why?
It’s just like when they start having Christmas even before Halloween.
Makes me sick… I tell you what, I am sick and tired
of havin’ my biological clock fucked with. I don’t never know whether I’m
supposed to fall forward or skip back. I don’t know.
Hey, you know what? They wouldn’t even let me vote
iover here n our primary because they said I ain’t eligible.
Cause I ain’t pledge allegiance to one of the two political parties.
What kind of bullshit tyranny is that? So I got to pick between the lesser of two
assholes? That’s all the choice I get?
That’s bullshit. Who the hell thought that system up?
That’s what I want to know. I’d give them a brass nuckle nock
right in the nose. He need to lock and throw the key away.
Course they always gonna have this voter fraudin’ and the Acorn registration in’
and the gerrymanderin’ all over the maps, so I don’t know why I’m so damn surprised!
They just a man behind a curtain man… Like that big head on Wizard of Oz…
Throw some water on that shit. Give that lion some courage.
I’ll tell y’all what is wrong it’s cause you bitches is lazy.
You lazy voters! You just lay out there and wish/hope
somebody gonna vote for somebody you want. You don’t care enough about no issues
to form your own opinions. Don’t you think your opinionations
is worth somethin’? If you would use your own think-tank,
instead of those dumbass motherfuckers that make you drink Kool-Aid
and you go, “Yeah, yeah, what he said-”
Aww, fuck man…my hair ornament. I liked it too.
Fuck it! But naw!
You just let your bleedin’-heart or your bible-thumpin’
just go along with your brethren. Y’all in lock-step like a bunch
of damn soldiers. Fucking lemmings, man.
See, I ain’t happy with neither the Republicans or the Demacrappers.
We ain’t united. United States of America…
Next thing you know, we’re gonna have another goddamn Civil War
again. But I could be one of them-
I could be one of them plantation ladies that fans herself all the time
and drinks a mint julep. But I would be nice to my workers.
Them strong, healthy boys that does my croppin’. Yeah, I’d be sweet to them.
Well I think somethin’ should be done to expand our choices on the matter
and I got an idea. A light bulb just pinged into my head.
I’m gonna make a united political party that takes the best stuff out of both of them
and we gonna dominate and we gonna take over
and we gonna get rid of my haters first off. I got a name for my party.
It’s called the ‘Redemblicrats.’ Nobody takes Independents seriously.
And then we gonna take a 3-month holiday like the British teachers-
Like the British and teachers do. Cause we work too much and we tired
and we need a vacation. I really am tired, y’all.
It takes a lot of effort to bring the news to the world.
YOU COULD SEND A DOLLAR! But hey hey! Wait…shit.
I think that school youngins needs to go to school all year long,
cause the less youngins we got to fuck shit up on the streets, the better!
They ain’t good for our society. They drain our resources, man…
They want an education. Shut the fuck up!
Get a job! Hey y’all can register Redemblicrat,
just send $9.95 to Lo here. You can do it with your PayPal,
but just put ‘beer money’ in the memo thing for tax reasons.
This two party political shit….it’s annotated. They need to have that throwed out
like they did with the wigs in court and throwin’ tomatoes at people
whose gettin’ hung out in the square. I think they do this to keep these two peoples
fightin’ and brainless so that the whole world go into a shithole.
And then you can’t tell if our politicians is just drivin’ us into a ditch!
SMOKESCREEN! Smoke And Mirrors!
That’s for you Brad. Hmm…there’s gotta be a better way
to prick a president- Y’all know what I was tryin’ to say
but you knowed prick was gonna come rollin’ off my tongue.
I done it twice. I’m especially drunk tonight.
I don’t care. Hey! I found a new way
to vote for our Commander-In-Chief if you’ll put your crack pipe down!
Alright, here’s how we do it. Instead of having the top Democrat
and the top Republican run against each other, we’re gonna vote once a month
on individual issues, whatever the top 12 topics are
we wanna talk about that year- So you get your say-so in a national referendum…
And whoever has the most views in line with what you think gets awarded on a point
system Then at the end of the year,
whoever has the most votes for the most people with all these views,
then that be the President. Now that is a fair way electin’ an official
that can represent fairly all people and all views, so there!
Genius! I have fixed our broken election system.
How come nobody done thought of this before? I have to tell y’all every goddamn thing!
Even how to run the damn country! Whoo…I wish I wasn’t half-Canadian,
so I could run this whole damn place. Wouldn’t that be lovely?
And that’s How I Seize It.

Maurice Vega

4 Responses

  1. I hope you're proud….. I just spewed boxed chillable red all over the laptop!!!!! I had to windex it and say a prayer I hadn't shorted the dang thang out!!!!

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