“HILLARY STORIES” — A Bad Lip Reading of Hillary Clinton

*** You can turn these captions off and on using the CC button below I’m ready for breadsticks A while back, Bill and I went to the store And we bought some locusts They were in a bag, and the girl who worked there tried to open the locusts near Bill And I heard Bill crying and figured out he’s really scared of locusts As you’d hope And he cried and shivered and drooled all over the table And then when he had moved forward I did that prank where I scratched his vein open And I remember he just bled so good Now he farted intermittently on the way home But that was kind of his thing, so So there I was, just this popular blonde And there was a fork in my britches ‘Cause I’d put it there, all right? Umm, ’cause I was always like “what if I couldn’t find a fork?” And everybody that I knew knew about it And half the time they’d be staring at me And I was like “this is great!” And then eventually I just didn’t put it in there anymore Because you know, I was told that when you get a spoon pocket You are an amazing person And a spoon actually is better to carry! Last night I got on Tinder And then I got a dork who looked like a grandpa You know, with his old face? And it was like his headshot, so I wanted to be all like “Hey Grandpa, you look funny…”‘ “Is your mother a Shanghai gremlin??!” It’s just too much, you see, ’cause she’s not one! But I mean, it has to be said That joke was much better in my head Back in the Seventies I got in a little scrape Because I’d been — I was dancing For the bucks And these Persian men offered me punch And to me I was like “What are you doing? You’re crazy, they’re so nice!” And so off we go So I get down there right at the border And the Peruvian troops swoop in And now I’m thinking “I guess this is the end” ‘Cause baby we were in the war zone! And I mean, it’s just not safe And I mean, I began clawing the men who attacked me And so, then we made it to the watchman’s house And his name was Kilota All of us took a pill and got in this fountain And what do you mean it’s time for a show? And then literally it was like I owned a group of men Who are now teeny weeny, it’s like it’s as if they’re kids And they’re in the rainforest And Kilota, he asked me if I could project chicken feathers when there’s lightning storms! And it was just the best jungle party And when we got around to it, I danced for them And then all their women just went across the country And we had a mask made out of Kilota, which was…. You know, ’cause he died that night So it was cool for us to wear him Uhh, kid, you smell like a reuben

Maurice Vega

100 Responses

  1. I just realized this is from 9/2018 and it's 7/2019 as of this comment. This really should have been seen more. Not that it doesn't have near 60k views, I just feel it should have much more! It's so good. I don't know how I've missed it until now. Glad I found it though.

  2. Scary that some of this sounds less crazy than some of the things she actually says, and some of this she probably says off screen! Good job, guys!

  3. This crazy lady criminal even half as good as this one person she might have a chance to win the election

  4. AHH, is this a video about The Blond Witch Project? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I can waste 3 minutes of my life watching it, laughing at it, and thumb it down at the end. Naaah! Fuck watching it. I'll just add my thumb downer to the 1.8K people who've already down thumbed it!

  5. "We had a mask made out of Coloda…" Thumbs if you would have voted for her if she told this story during the campaign

  6. This is the most honest, truthful and real I've ever seen from HRC. I guess there's a first time for everything. I especially loved the vein prank – I'm sure she's fantasized about killing her "husband" a zillion times.

  7. “He farted intermitedly on the way home” heeeeeyyy that happens to me when I drink to much milk cuz imma lactose intolerant gal ya!

  8. I can't even watch this. This cunt should have been publicly hung by now for her crimes against humanity. I can't find humor in this shit at all.

  9. Hillary’s Bad Lip reading doppelgänger had a much better chance than Hillary in 2016. But, both could nag the paint off the walls.

  10. How did this super ninja, lose the election???
    Oh that’s right… Trump is the Bruce Lee, of ninjas….

  11. You call this BAD lip reading?? 
    No way. You just stood there with a microphone and captured her words verbatim, RIGHT?

  12. You don’t need to do a lip reading on the corrupt Libtards. What they actually say is shocking and absurd enough.

  13. absolute correct depiction of Hilly. What's the deal, nothing out of the ordinary here. Would love to hear what she says to Bill about all the trips to Jeff's island that she was not aware of.

  14. "…and so then we made it to the watchman's house and his name was Kaloda, and all of us took a pill, and got in this fountain, and WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S A SHOW?"

  15. “I did that prank where I scratch his vein open.”

    Man I love that prank! I mean it’s messy, but so much fun.

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