Government Weed Dispensaries | Torontopia


(upbeat music) – Okay, so as you know,
we will be shutting down dispensaries and opening up our 80-store legal monopoly on weed. – (clapping) Yeah! – Yes! – Put those criminals behind
bars and let’s sell some pot! – Now, first matter of business, who here knows how to sell weed? (ominous silence) – I mean, I understand
how it works in theory. – I’m listening. – I used to know a dealer in college. – Problem solved. – No, he’s in jail. (groans) – Where he belongs. – Back to square one. – I tried Salvio once. Yeah, I don’t want to talk about it. – Doing a little bit of research over here and it’s showing me that
we should be looking for something called the dank or the damp. Is it dank or damp. – It sounds like damp. – Yeah, it’s got to be damp- – Guys, do you think maybe
we should just let the dispensary sell it? (laughing) – Are you crazy? – And then what do we do? Okay, Daryl, we are
the only organization with the infrastructure and knowledge to pull off such a complicated job. Now, will someone please
tell me what a bong is? – Okay, guys, I have my
mom on speaker phone here. She’s got a prescription
for medical marijuana. Ah, Mom, we’re just trying
to get some info for our legal drug monopoly. – Hi, Mrs. Cooper, Paul here. Wondering if the weed
that you purchase was, in fact, the sticky icky. – Mom, do you have enough
weed for 80 commercial stores? – Ms. Cooper, I was
thinking the dispensaries should be square. Is that ringing any bells, Ms. Cooper ? – Mrs. Cooper, Paul here again. Wondering if $200 is a good
price for a deego or a diego. Am I saying that correctly, Mrs. Cooper? – Listen, what’s the
address of the dispensary? Maybe we can just go talk to them. – [Mrs. Cooper] Rod, Rod, are you there? – Okay, Mom, shut up, I’ll call you back. – You know what, Daryl
might be on to something. What if we buy weed from the dispensaries, sell it back to the
public at a lower cost? – I love it. – No, no!
– That’s great. – Then we lose money. – Okay, but we are the government so it doesn’t really matter. (laughing) – Yeah, yeah. – I love this!
– I love it. – Great thinking, Daryl. – Daryl’s right, we need to
get back to government basics. Unnecessary positions, lots of committees. – Yes, Chief of Equality,
Director of Diversity, a Fairness Council. – Closed on all standard
holidays and the entire week of 4-20, out of respect. – I like that. – Why would we be closed on 4-20? – Why wouldn’t we be? – Daryl, your precious
free market economy can’t solve every problem. Now, if we really want
to muddle things up- – And we do.
– We do. – Why don’t we just
sell weed-related items. (murmers of agreement) – Hemp bags.
– Hemp bracelets, Chain Wallets, Jamaican flag wrist bands. – I was thinking a whole
section on black light posters: Jimmy, Bob. – Eats world and Seeger; Love it! – I actually have The Middle on vinyl so we match that up with a 4-20 patch. – Hey, Daryl, once we
muddle this whole thing up, would it help if the Prime
Minister came and cried and apologized? – Yeah, we were wondering- – He told us to ask- – Guys, this makes no sense. Something works. Why would we tear it
down and take it over? (murmuring) – We’re the government. – Sweet home, Daryl. Daryl, let me explain to
you how the government works. We’re the only organization with the public interest at heart. – Hear, hear! – Now, what on God’s green earth is a dab? – I think it’s like an urban handshake. – Yeah.
– You go, you got to wiggle. – Is it like a high five? (upbeat music)

Maurice Vega

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