*You can turn these captions OFF and ON using the CC control below Governor Mike Huckabee, how was your summer? It was dope Like your pretty gelled head Thank you I’m getting it permed Hey, all you freaks are bozos But who’s this Mindy? Oh, an old friend actually, she’s great Okay, you HAVE to be joking She pooped on the treadmill! Oooh Oh yeah, that’s her Governor Christie When you were younger, what was your favorite childhood snack? I wanted, you know, I just wanted regular potatoes But guess what, so did other people I wanted it the most, so I’m like “I want it the most” You just froze a baby! You just froze a baby. I did not! GENITAL WARTS! You touched a genital wart and you can’t touch it! Wait, hey, guys, guys, hey All right, enough You’re a wart toucher Stop saying that! Mr. Trump. Well, I have a pigeon – Lucas Don Velour. I always take it shopping because I want to and because it’s got health. [stomach rumbling] Whatever, look – it’s a thing the tuna melt does to me. Uhh, Senator Cruz – You shouldn’t say the “S-Word” What Well, we could just go out and collect a dead swan And then I – well I will drink a sorority’s goldfish. Uh, moving on, let’s hear from Dr. Carson. Now, this piece, I think it goes like that And then this one… No, this piece goes over here. It’s part of the tree Carson AHHHH ahhh ahh! Umm, see, umm What you working on? A puzzle, umm I don’t know how to do this actually Hey, we can move one, and you’re not missing any playtime. America. Governor Bush What How would you get a dead mouse on crescent roll with some steak? With some steak I would fork it However, if a pittbull is loose in your house then you’ll find me stiff on the bed, ’cause I always throw up. You’ll have thirteen seconds to make a closing statement in the form of a short song. And Governor Christie, you’re first. Well, think about the time we bought you and ice-cream and a cookie Rented that Lambo so we could go buy milk when we played hooky That was our ride, we rode it around Yeah mama, it was good Till we hit that boy in the pink golf shirt with the pepper-spray tan and he laid down on the concrete. Senator Ted Cruz Rabies and bunnies, let me think about it for a second over here Hmm, first thing I need are two sticks and an I.V. and Then I can just dance in my little paper hat you bought me. That’s weird! Mmm-hmmm Senator Marco Rubio! My father was a bald tiger (yes he was) And he took the bad guy walking in the sunshine The pig intestine’s about to drip Me I just like to pound the shrimp I own a parrot that doesn’t drink. Uh, Governor Kasich, how about you? If Britain invaded us, you’d get a fancy mouth and you’d drink on the job every day, oh no We could give ’em cheese Or we could give ’em Christmas pants Mr. Trump, closing statement song I took Johnny’s pogo kid, I pogo greater They got five of the meaner reindeers still sitting there waiting We have a big bird walking in the jungle crying in a tree Scoobidy dee, listen to me Don’t go around the tuna. Governor Scott Walker I might have a whiff, a whiff Yeah hoo-dee-doo Why are dormant wives adorable? I might even have a piece of corn and I’m gonna make a fortune Yeah, this beat’s got me so baller now That’s right, see I can flow. And now, Dr. Carson [laughing] Not ready…. Ohhh, here we go I see one wittle wee-wee Yeah, every mouse has a weenie And if we could catch a little mouse man then we could see some little feet too. Thank you I see one wittle wee-wee Yeah, every mouse has a weenie (in America!) And if we could catch a little mouse man then we could see some little feet too. (Little Mousey Feet!) I see one wittle wee-wee Yeah, every mouse has a weenie And if we could catch a little mouse man then we could see some little feet too. IN AMERICA!