CP Time: Government Conspiracy Theories | The Daily Show


Do you guys like black people? (cheering) Well, then you’ll love
Roy Wood Jr. with another episode of CP Time. ♪ ♪ Ah. Welcome to CP Time, the only show
that’s for the culture. Now, it’s no secret that black folks love us
a good conspiracy theory, like how rapper B.o.B. thinks
the world is flat or Mos Def doesn’t think
Osama bin Laden did 9/11 or how I believe
that Khloe Kardashian is O.J. Simpson’s
secret daughter. (chuckles) Oh, that O.J., always leaving DNA everywhere. No wonder
they call him the Juice. But the conspiracy theories
that unite all black people are about the government. Uncle Sam gets more blame than
alcohol after a pregnancy test, like the conspiracy theory that
the government created AIDS, which I personally
don’t believe. We all know
that the only manmade disease is kidney stones. Somebody sneaking them stones
up there. Think about it. Then, of course,
there’s black folks’ suspicion that, during Hurricane Katrina, the government blew up
the levies on purpose to flood out
poor black neighborhoods and spare the white ones. That’s right. The government even turned water
against us. I’d expect that
from racist-ass lava but not you, water. That’s why I only shower now
with Lime Gatorade. Who can you trust? Now, I know you white people
out there– you’re all laughing. You all think black people
is crazy and gullible. I can hear you chuckling. Oh. “Chuck, chuck, chuck,
chuck, chuck, chuck.” But this is serious,
when you realize how many conspiracy theories
against us turn out to be true. Like how black people
with syphilis thought they were being treated, but were actually part
of a government experiment. -(audience groaning)
-That’s right. The government did medical
experiments on black people, and we didn’t even get
any superpowers. (laughter) If I’m gonna have syphilis,
I should also get to be the She Hulk or Syphilis Man, or one of the new members
of The Avengers. Fair is fair. And what about during the 1960s when we all said they were trying
to sabotage Martin Luther King? And then in the 1990s,
we found out that they were trying
to sabotage Martin Luther King. They wiretapped him and released
salacious transcripts of his most intimate moments of
fornication with random women. I refuse to read a single word
of that slander. I did listen to that audio book,
though. (laughter) Freaky deaky. So the next time
you’re fixing to laugh at a black person’s
conspiracy theory, just remember we’re batting
about .250 on these, which brings me to the biggest
conspiracy theory of them all– that Popeyes Chicken is a front
for the CIA. (laughter) A ten-piece and sides for $20. (laughter) Those are crack prices. But thankfully, I’ve been able
to resist this product for years because I know better
than to ever give in to… (gasps) -Oh, my God.
-(laughter) Oh, my… oh, my God,
they got biscuits, too. Well, I think that’s all
the time we have for today. (laughter) I’m Roy Wood, Jr.,
and this has been “CP Time.” -(cheers and applause)
-And remember– for the culture. Oh! Could you turn the lights
off, please? Turn the lights…
Thank you. Eat this in private.
Mmm! Roy Wood, Jr. , everyone.

Maurice Vega

100 Responses

  1. it's funny because it true. we don't lie this government has been running experiments on us for decades and they still are 83% of children born and raised in inner cities have dangerous amounts of lead in their system. Planned Parenthood was created to exterminate blacks. #reparations So we can finally go somewhere and be free. Do a race swap with Israel, ya'll love them so much. The prayer is wall falling they are not the chosen people, you'd have peace in the middle east immediately. Most Muslim countries would pay for that to happen.

  2. Just read about a boycott of trevor noah's downunder tour. and good for him , this is the word and the conduct that trevor promotes. it don't matter that he apologized or that the joke wasn't really bad at all. it doesn't matter, they are boycotting him any way. now he gets a taste of his own medicine. this is how his tell people to act. now he knows what it's like to get fed over by sensitive sjws over nothing.

  3. IF syph wasn't bad enough, I have read that they practiced on black women in the original gynecological hospitals [1890's? 1920's?] ugg… Why are we [white folks] so weird about sex?

  4. I see what you did their trevor tring to trap the whites into agreeing with your rascism how could possible like all black people with out making an assumption based on racial sterotypes

  5. I don't really like Popeye's chicken, I'm more of a KFC kind of guy but if I was hungry and had some Popeye's near by then I would try it. Also 20 bucks for a 10 pic. & sides is a little to much.

  6. So, you're tellin' me that the FBI tried to discredit MLK by painting him as a total mac daddy? Somehow, I get the impression that was one of their dumber ideas.

  7. Roy Wood Jr. was my high school classmate in Alabama!! Go Ramsay Rams!! Its amazing to see him on TV. He is hilarious.

  8. The government did medical experiments on black people and we didn't even get super powers 😂😂

  9. Roy Wood Jr seriously looks aged about 20 years with that super fake mustache! He's gone full-on pastor!!😊

  10. regardless, i did not realise conspiracy theories can sometimes be true. before this conspiracy theory was synonymous with religion lies to me, well not synonymous but i gave them equal weights. Or is that how they get you to become one of them. i'm already speculating like them. i'll stop now.

  11. Word of advice: don't try eating or drinking whilst watch CP Time. My computer screen has food all over it XDDDD

  12. I like black people as much as any other people, but that doesn't mean I like Roy Moore, I mean I do, but that is fallacious reasoning.

    Additionally the guy needs to get on a diet, a vegan diet as he's overweight and no doubt eats animals, so get onto that Roy, please and thank you.

    www.provegan.info

  13. There is no "GOVERNMENT" like it is a great Patriarchal God, the government is a good and bad and as diverse as the people and their ideologies that comes together to create them.

  14. Fried Chicken is the way too many black people kill themselves, there is real racism in the way some large minority of black parents teach their children to eat animals and processed foods, of course this has as much to do with class as it does race, but let's be honest, it should be easier to control what you teach your children than to change institutional racism or elitism, so get on it, you have to PAY to be sick so it isn't cheaper to eat McDonald's and KFC not that they are cheaper than whole food vegan alternatives anyway.

    Now I don't think Roy Moore is suffering economic hardship anymore yet he is both continuing and encouraging others to continue this terrible practice.

    If you really want to fight racism and class elitism, then go vegan.

    Beyond the practical and economic arguments, let us not forget that Speciesism is just another form of victimization like racism and I think if you are a victim of racism it should be easier to empathize with animals, there are many black people who have chosen to be vegan because they understand this, but NOT NEARLY ENOUGH.

    www.provegan.info

  15. "ha ha" trash. As if you have the critical thinking to distinguish real plots from the fake. Who gives a crap what you believe? Was this supposed to be funny? Establishment pandering 101.

  16. I hope messages like these don't reinforce some conspiracy theories with this racial victim/oppression mentality.

  17. $20, crack prices indeed, I’ve been able to resist so far since my mom taught me to make spicy Indian fried chicken and potato samosas😒😂

  18. I am more interested in the Agriculture corporations purposely selling dead/defective seeds to black farmers.

  19. So I shouldn't point and laugh at stupid people who think speculation is a valid substitute for truth, just because of their skin color? This is absurd.

  20. Yeek–The Tuskegee Experiment was a horrific low in the history of scientific study–and it wasn't even gathering useful f#cking data!! This research was cruel, poorly-designed, and racially-motivated–and relied on false eugenicist pseudo-science for its inception and continuation. AND it made a mockery of the Hippocratic Oath by ACTIVELY DENYING & DISCOURAGING treatment of the disease to participants when it became available. SHAMEFUL!

  21. My dad has a Popeyes conspiracy theory too. He believes that the reason there aren't any Popeyes in our area is because the white people are holding out on us and keeping it in an underground Popeyes that only they know about.

  22. I can't believe it took me this long to work out what CP stood for.

    "Corporal Punishment? I doubt it. Chris Pine? That doesn't make any sense. Cultured People? Yeah, that's probably it."

  23. I'm sorry… Khloe being OJ's daughter is NOT a conspiracy theory… who is conspiring to keep it a secret if she was?… OJ probably doesn't know if she is or isn't and don't care… the man suspected of being her father is dead… so he's not trying to keep the identity of Khloe's real daddy on the QT… therefore only her mama knows… you can't conspire with yourself to keep a secret you don't want anyone to find out about you… but if you look at their pictures closely… she DOES look like him… she has that over sized OJ horse head… and their noses and mouths look the same…

  24. I'm white and that popeyes bit has me watering at the mouth so bad. 10 pieces and sides? Plus biscut? Come on man I got work to do!

  25. I love my government. We live in the best country ever. Rome had it's problems. Nigeria has it's problems. But you know what! Our poor are far better off than most people's citizens in hatie or Mexico or Guatemala.

  26. These are not conspiracy theory Cesar fax that haven’t been pooping yet the reason people say they’re crazy because stupid ass propaganda TV shows like this that make fun of these things so people don’t have reason to believe them because they believe they’re crazy if they do they need to stop doing shit like this all the doing is ruining it for everyone else even if it is crazy we have the right to theorize

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