Chappelle’s Show – Celebrity Trial Jury Selection


ARE YOU AWARE OF THE CHARGES THAT MICHAEL JACKSON
IS CURRENTLY FACING? YES, SIR. AH, AND FOR THE RECORD,
THESE CHARGES HURT ME THE MOST. SO HE’S GUILTY. LOOK, MAN.
LOOK. MICHAEL JACKSON HAS MANY FACES. NONE OF THEM
LOOK GUILTY TO ME. YOU GOT TO LOOK IN THE EYES,
NOT THE NOSES. HE’S BEEN ACCUSED OF THIS
MORE THAN ONCE. SO? SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT CUCUMBERS
TASTE BETTER PICKLED. WHAT?
HUH? WHAT?
HUH? WHAT IF I TOLD YOU
THAT THE ACCUSERS CORRECTLY DESCRIBED MICHAEL’S
PENIS TO INVESTIGATORS. SIR, I HAVE NEVER SEEN
MICHAEL’S ALLEGED PENIS, BUT I BET YOU THAT I COULD
DESCRIBE IT, ALL RIGHT? LET ME GUESS. THERE’S A HEAD,
A SHAFT, SOME BALLS, HAIR–MAYBE PRESSED, PERMED HAIR WITH GLITTER SPRINKLED ON IT. THAT IS CORRECT. WHOA, HOW’D I KNOW? COME ON, DUDE,
I COULDN’T PICK MY OWN PENIS OUT OF A LINEUP, ALL RIGHT? AND ME AND MY PENIS
IS LIKE THIS, SON. WHAT ABOUT MICHAEL
SAYING IT’S OKAY TO HAVE CHILDREN
SLEEP WITH HIM? THAT DON’T MEAN ANYTHING. I’M SURE THERE’S PLENTY OF KIDS
THAT SLEEP IN THE BED WITH THEIR ADULTS ALL THE TIME
AND NOTHING HAPPENS. SO YOU DO YOU THINK
MICHAEL JACKSON IS GUILTY OF THE CHARGES
AGAINST HIM? NO, MAN. HE MADE THRILLER. THRILLER. SO YOU’D LET YOUR CHILDREN
SLEEP WITH HIM. (BLEEP) NO! EW. ARE YOU AWARE
THAT ROBERT BLAKE IS FACING
A CHARGE OF MURDER? OH, YEAH. BARETTA DID THAT (BLEEP). MR. CHAPPELLE,
ARE YOU AWARE THAT ROBERT KELLY IS BEING CHARGED
WITH CHILD PORNOGRAPHY? YES, I’VE HEARD
OF SUCH THINGS. YOU’VE SEEN
THE VIDEO TAPES? HAVE I SEEN IT? LIKE 80 TIMES. YOU KNOW THE PART WHERE HE’S
WAITING FOR HER TO COME OVER, AND HE’S LOOKING IN
THE CAMERA LIKE… [grunting] SO YOU THINK THAT IT WAS
ROBERT KELLY ON THE TAPE? WELL, I’D HAVE
TO SAY IT WAS. SO THEN YOU BELIEVE HE URINATED
ON A 15-YEAR-OLD GIRL. WHOA, HOLD ON, LADY! I DIDN’T SAY ALL THAT. YOU KNOW WITH THESE TAPES
THEY CAN DO A LOT OF THINGS. FOR ALL I KNOW,
THAT PISS WAS DIGITAL. THEY GET CRAZY
WITH SPECIAL EFFECTS. LOOK, LOOK, CHECK THIS OUT. I DIDN’T EVEN JUST DO THAT. DID I DO THAT? THAT PISS WAS DIGITAL. THEY’LL DO CRAZY STUFF
WITH SPECIAL EFFECTS. WHAT ABOUT THE GIRL
CORROBORATING THE STORY? SO WHAT? HOW MUCH MONEY DOES
THIS GIRL STAND TO MAKE BY “CO-OBORATING”
THIS STORY? I TELL YOU WHAT,
YOU GIVE ME THAT KIND OF MONEY, R. KELLY CAN FART
IN MY DINNER TONIGHT. SPRAY-FART. SO BESIDES THE TAPE
AND THE GIRL CORROBORATING
THE ALLEGATIONS, WHAT MORE WOULD IT TAKE
FOR YOU TO BELIEVE HE’S GUILTY? ALL RIGHT, IF I SAW A TAPE
OF R. KELLY PEEING ON A GIRL WHILE HE WAS SINGING
“PISS ON YOU”… ♪ LOVERS WANNA LOVE… ♪ AND THE GIRL WAS HOLDING
TWO FORMS OF GOVERNMENT I.D., WHILE A POLICE OFFICER
WAS THERE, LIKE, FOUR OR FIVE
OF MY BUDDIES, AND NEAL TAKING NOTES… WELL–
I’M NOT FINISHED. AND HIS GRANDMOTHER
HAS TO BE THERE TO CONFIRM HIS IDENTIFY. THAT’S MY ROBERT,
ALWAYS PEEING ON PEOPLE. DON’T FORGET HER HAIR, ROBERT. YES, GRANDMOTHER. MR. CHAPPELLE,
ISN’T THAT EXCESSIVE? NO, NO, IT’S NOT EXCESSIVE. LISTEN, LADY, THE BURDEN
OF PROOF IS ON THE STATE. ON THE STATE! YOU HAVE GOT
TO PROVE TO ME BEYOND A REASONABLE DOUBT WHETHER OR NOT
THIS MAN IS A PISSER. AREN’T YOUR DOUBTS
UNREASONABLE? NO, IT’S NOT UNREASONABLE. LOOK, WE’RE TALKING ABOUT
A JUSTICE SYSTEM THAT HAD 500 PEOPLE
WHOSE CASES WERE OVERTURNED BY DNA EVIDENCE. I’VE SEEN A TAPE WHERE
FIVE COPS BEAT UP A NIGGA, AND THEY SAID
THAT THEY HAD REASONABLE DOUBT. I GOT MY DOUBTS TOO, ALL RIGHT? HOW COME THEY DIDN’T FIND
BIG AND TUPAC’S MURDERERS BUT THEY ARREST
O.J. THE NEXT DAY? NICOLE SIMPSON CAN’T RAP. I WANT JUSTICE! YOU ARE ALL– THIS WHOLE GODDAMN COURT
IS OUT OF ORDER. EVERYBODY! MR. CHAPPELLE,
YOU’RE DISMISSED. AND THAT’S FROM THE HEART.

Maurice Vega

100 Responses

  1. If that girl did not make any money from allegedly accusing r kelly….also have other people peed on the alleged female???? I haven't really gotten in to the case but Suing should not be part of rape cases…

  2. β€œFor all I know that piss was digital. They get crazy with special effects these days.” pisses on her I didn’t even just do that.

  3. How come they can't find Biggie and Tupac's murderers, but they can arrest OJ the next day? Nicole Simpson can't rap, I want justice!

  4. Damn, 2005 R. Kelly is caught peeing on a girl and it took till 2019 to finally get him. Wonder how many underage girls got abused during that time when we all knew he was guilty and could of been stopped.

  5. That is very fucked up that Comedy Central gets to sit here on YouTube and cash in on Dave Chapelle! ! He needs to sue the absolute piss out of Comedy Central! It is criminal what they did to him! Plus having him work in an environment that was unsafe! They put a wall up in his office! He and want no fucking wall there. Plus they had him in a hostile working environment! He should definitely be able to sue them for like $500 million! Telling the media he was on crack! What A Contentious bunch of cocksuckers

  6. I have a cold sore throat and fever and It really hurts when I laugh uncontrollably. When he peed in the woman I was writhing in pain. Way too funny

  7. On average our genitals have the darkest pigment.. but Michael Jackson most proberbly made his the lightest.. wouldn't suprise me tbh

    He Really tried to run away from his true self

  8. Rns funny but not.. Legal justice ain't shit RED BLACK and GREEN.. I SEE YOU😍😍😍

  9. Have I seen it? Like 80 times. Remember the part where he's waiting for her to come over and he's looking in the camera like uh uh uh uh….

  10. So??? Sum ppl say Cucumber taste better Pickle 🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣

  11. How can Chappelle Show be so original and funny? No matter how many times you watch it, this stuff is 15 years old and still Amazing. Others have tried and failed but his work still holds up.

  12. "Mr. Chappelle, you're dismissed." while she gets the pee. I had trouble typing this with the laughing. And look at the judge's expression throughout the whole thing.

  13. "He's been accuse of this more than once."

    "So? Some people say that cucumbers taste better pickled!"

    "What?" ,:-|

    "Huh?" :-/

    "What?" ,:-|

    "Huh?" :-/

    Ahahahaha! Gets me every time.

  14. Nice πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘funny
    IT is a joke, when you came to really life the system will make u down
    ONE LOVE

  15. R Kelly has always been a perv. It’s sad that girls have been prayed for this long . Everyone knew about it !

  16. David Chappelle is the best comedian today and maybe of all time. I remember a few years ago when he was on Oprah explaining why he disappeared for a couple weeks and the skit that he made about her. Lol. I bet when he made it he NEVER thought he'd be on her show explaining it to her. Lol.

  17. Madonna killed Tupac, because Biggie found out she was the one that had him killed for not wanting to join her satanic child molester cult she made Biggie go bye bye too

  18. You give me that kind of money, R. Jelly can fart in my dinner, tonight…..spray fartπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  19. I remember where I was when he did the first piss when I first saw this… I almost died of laughing.. I couldn't breath

  20. For the last 15 years I yell β€œNicole Simpson can’t rap, I want justice” when I get mad and never even understood the joke until now πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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