Candidate Rehab | The Daily Show


As we move into the race, every week
a Democratic candidate is going to be dropping out. And it’s a tough time for them
to adjust back to society. You know,
you don’t think about it, but presidential candidates
behave in ways that would be insane
if normal people did it. All right? If you were being
romantic with your partner, and you
just flipped into policy, you’d look like a mad person. You know, just like,
“Tell me what you want,” they’re like, “I want an America
that rises to the challenge of climate change,”
you’d be like, “Uh, just say, like, doggie
or missionary, dude. Calm down.” But for candidates who have
spent months behaving that way, it would be nice if there was
a rehabilitation center that could help them adjust
back to normal life. Which is why The Daily Show
started one ourselves. ♪ ♪ LYDIC:
Welcome to Fading Dreams, Candidate Reintegration Center. Here at Fading Dreams, we help
former presidential candidates like you integrate back
into society and learn how to talk and act
like a normal person. You don’t need this, right? Looks great without it.
Look. LYDIC: We’ll help you with
that difficult transition from candidate
to just some person. Just like you,
I want a health care system that works for all Americans… rich and poor. CHIENG:
Sir! Sir! I just asked you
what you want for lunch. Oh. Um… I’d like the burrito. Very good. Next? Burrito! LYDIC:
Our award-winning program will teach you
how not to be a weirdo. So just because I have a baby doesn’t mean
you need to kiss it. -But I need the photo op.
-Oh, no, no. Uh-uh.
No, you don’t. Remember?
You dropped out of the race because you were polling below
Bill de Blasio. Remember that? Yeah, no. (grunts) No! Our candidates stay
in secure dorms which are regularly checked
for contraband. -What’s this?
-That’s… That’s not mine. Oh. That’s how you want
to play this, huh? Maybe I should read you
your poll numbers. No! I’ll be good. -One percent among likely
voters. -Oh, gross. At Fading Dreams, we’re able
to turn political has-beens into their political
has-best selves. But don’t just take
our word for it, listen to some
of our satisfied clients. Fading Dreams taught me
I don’t have to shake hands with everyone wherever I go. I still do, but that’s just
because I love shaking hands. It’s a separate problem
I’m working on. Fading Dreams taught me
I didn’t have to be president. They also taught me how to make
some cool macaroni art. It’s a kitty. LYDIC: At Fading Dreams, we’ll
put you on the road to recovery and the results,
they speak for themselves. Mmm. Corn. I love corn. This corn looks so good. I… I… I don’t want to eat corn. WOMAN: But what about
the voters in Iowa? (bleep) Iowa. (gasping) Yeah. (bleep) Iowa. Ha-ha. Robert? You’re cured. -Ah.
-(applause) Johnson! Johnson! ALL (chanting): Johnson!
Johnson! Johnson! Johnson! So come to Fading Dreams. We’ll make you normal again. MAN: We need more guys
like you in charge. You’re right.
I’m gonna run for president. God damn it. Take him down. Hey! (cheers and applause)

Maurice Vega

100 Responses

  1. Sorry, I love Trevor but I can't watch anything w the Rev Sharpton. The man's a grifter, a charlatan, and a mendacious race baiter who has destroyed lives and repeatedly been caught out in his lies. Not giving that man a second more of my precious time and attention.

  2. Dafuq is equality anymore? So confused. Whats hapoening in 208 years? What can i do that women cant at this moment? Fuck these ads.

  3. Rev. Al Sharpton?!? πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚Eric Swalwell?!?πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚

  4. There are so many good ideas in this bit and the comedians nail it, but I can't help thinking that they are losing impact. Eaten up by the absurdity of reality, there is so little space for comedy if you stay with the obvious.

  5. I gotta say, when Trevor and his team get it, they knock it out of the park. A real home run, this one was. And good on Eric Swalwell and Al Sharpton for being willing to go along with it.

  6. So that was really funny and congrats to the writer who came up with that concept because it was super cute and honestly shout out to Eric Swalwell and the other guys who had the balls to be in it

  7. that was hilarious! ty mr noah and ms lydic! and kudos to the pols who were in this, great job! it shows such courage and a great sense of humor! very presidential! noooooo, sit back down, don't undo all that you have gained! lol πŸ™‚

  8. Ok hold up this is legit? They even got Swalwell and Al Sharpton which BTW I had no idea he was a candidate at some point. I wasn't into politics or news back then so I guess I wouldn't know. Also I was too young. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Comedy Gold man!

  9. Isn't Sharpton a proud anti semite. It seems odd that they will accuse Trump of being a racist, yet proudly associate with Sharpton.

  10. Anyone know which actor played candidate Johnson (the old guy) …just that he seemed familiar to me (not as politician), possibly actor Kale Brown (from the soap Another World) ? Scrolled through comments (and checked imdb) but didn't see mention of it.

    Nifty segment, enjoyed it-surprised Swalwell was willing to participate πŸ™‚

  11. So that Swallowell guy was a real candidate? I never seen him before. How the hell did Sharpton loose all that weight, though? He used to be really fat af.

  12. 🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣 all jokes aside I do they go back to being a normal so I know it can't be as simple as flipping πŸ’―

  13. Does this "fading dreams" rehab center accept former German Bundestag candidates? I think I could get you a few clients! hah hah

  14. I wouldn't call the state of enjoying shaking hands with everyone, everywhere you go a "problem." I think the world could use more people like that.

  15. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€£love this one what a great idea πŸ‘ŒπŸ»πŸ‘ŒπŸ»πŸ‘ŒπŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ€˜πŸ»

  16. Dude was that really Eric ? That was hilarious I just like shaking hands that's a separate problemπŸ˜‚ he would have made cool president

  17. Hi, I don't trust mainstream news much anymore, so I hope someone can enlighten me on this subject. Thanks.

    I know that there are some Republicans trying to run. It seems that the party, however has banned or stopped primaries in certain states (or maybe it was all states).

    Are they allowed to do that? Does that mean these would be candidates can't challenge Trump to be the Republican candidate? What avenues might they have to challenge him then?

    P.S. I am not American. I have some basic understanding of your electoral college system and primary elections.

  18. How dare he brings that oily "sell his fellow blacks for his own enrichment and aggrandizement", snake oil
    salesman al sharpton there

  19. Hello…I am now 78 yrs. old and have been asking for the last 40 or so years… Why we do not have a strong third party… Rather than just picking from the lesser of two (?) dare I say!

  20. Black poor:
    Homeless Mom Sentenced to 5 Years in Prison for Using Friend's Address to Enroll Son in…

    White privileged:
    Felicity Huffman, 7 days in jail for bribery in school system scandal…

    Do the math…

  21. I see how you didn’t talk about what’s happening in South Africa πŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™‚οΈvery ignorant when it matter

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