Andy Borowitz: Warning: These Ads Contain Politicians | Now It All Makes Sense

♪♪ -Election season is here, -Election season is here, and one out of
every three Americans is currently running for office. ♪♪ -Hello.
I’m Andrew Yang, and I’m running for president. -Cory!
-What’s up?! -I’m going to tell you
something you may never have heard from someone
running for president before. -Eat my kids’ brains. -♪♪ -Political ads are a way
for candidates to demonstrate they can perform
an elected official’s most important duties,
like a firm handshake, looking Americans
straight in the eye, and standing up for what’s right
without taking their shoes off, and teleporting us
into the future. Political ads seem harmless, but they can promote
an unsavory product. -Richard Nixon —
a man of compassion, courage, and conscience. -I know sometimes you wonder,
what’s the governor up to? -I’m Jerry Springer,
and I want to be your governor. -Roy Moore —
leadership we can trust. -I’m John Edwards,
and I approve this message. -Dear God! Our children are watching. Should they really be exposed
to content like this? -I’m Joni Ernst.
I grew up castrating hogs. [ Pig squeals ] -♪ Nixon now, Nixon now ♪ -There is some comfort in
knowing that a few politicians do keep the promises
they make in their ads. -Donald Trump will turn
Washington upside down Day One. -Spitzer — just imagine what
he’d do as your governor. -I am not looking to be
the most popular guy. -Mission accomplished, but that forthrightness
doesn’t change the fact that these politicians were able
to buy advertising time to promote
an often toxic product. Where is the oversight? ♪♪ -Hi. I’m Lee Marvin,
just brushing up on my judo and enjoying my favorite smoke,
Pall Mall. -Winston tastes good,
like a cigarette should. ♪♪ -In the ’50s and ’60s,
the airwaves were clogged with cigarette ads that made
highly questionable claims. -In a nationwide survey, doctors in all branches
of medicine were asked, “What cigarette
do you smoke, doctor?” The brand names most was Camel. -Yes, cigarettes were
a health-giving, life-extending panacea,
the kale of their day. -[ Coughing ]
-But they were so much more. -♪ He’s an independent guy ♪ ♪ He’s an Old Gold filters man ♪ -Smoking cigarettes showed that
you had a maverick spirit and the presence of mind
to build a house out of wood and not burn it down
with your lighter. But even as the Marlboro Man
rode across the range in a scenic cloud of nicotine
and tar, his days were numbered. -The senate today
passed and sent to the president a bill banning
cigarette commercials from radio and television. -I really think they pulled
a fast one there. -With evidence mounting that cigarettes were bad
for the American people, the government banned
cigarette ads. Almost 50 years later, isn’t
it time to ban political ads? Here’s the number of people
killed by cigarettes, and here’s the number who died while a politician
was in office. -Aah! -These are countries
that have put limitations on political advertising on TV, but in the United States, whoever has the most money
for ads has an advantage. So for now, I recommend putting
warnings on our political ads. -Warning —
will resign in disgrace. Warning — his people will
seek revenge on enemies using traffic cones. Warning — will send easily
traceable bank transfers to a prostitution ring. Warning —
leadership we can trust, just maybe not alone
with our teenage daughters. -I’m Elizabeth Warren,
and I approve this message.

Maurice Vega

14 Responses

  1. my first retro report dislike. THIS IS NOT THE RETRO REPORT THAT I STARTED WATCHING AND CAPTIVATED ME IN THE NY TIMES CHANNEL. what is this guy trying to be, funny over a serious subject? this is a ridiculous joke of a segment. IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME I'LL BE GOING BACK TO THE NY TIMES CHANNELAND RE-WATCHING THE OLD NY TIMES RETRO REPORT QUALITY VIDEOS.

  2. Thanks for posting. Appreciate the addition of proper captions; however, format code is visible on each line (e.g. <font color=#AAAAAAFF>)

  3. I put a sing WARNING TI THIS POST, Do not follow the directions on this add, CAN MAKE YOU STUPID. SAY NO TO DEMONCRATS. IF YOU ONLY HAVE BRAIN.

  4. How can one approach this topic without mentioning Obama's 2012 revised Smith-mundt act. Allowing politicians and supporting medea to lie to the people for what they "claim" to perceive as in our best interests. Democrat and republicans can agree on one thing without doubt, There has bean an explosion of propaganda sense this 2012 revised Smith-mundt act..

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