A message from the Australian Government regarding climate change – The Feed

Very soon, there are going to be some exciting changes coming to your climate. But it’s important that you realise these changes are nothing to be afraid of. In fact, they’re just another way in which we are taking care of everyday Australians. Our old climate is no longer fit for purpose, and that is why the Turnbull government is committed to delivering you a climate for the 21st century. As CO2 levels rise in the atmosphere and greenhouse gases trap in heat we plan on raising the temperature in Australia by about 3 degrees by the end of the century. This will save you money by reducing heating bills during winter as well as creating thousands of jobs in important industrial sectors like air conditioning and refrigeration during the summer. Meaning it’s a year round benefit. Rising temperatures will also melt the ice covering the south pole. as well as British backpackers, who we’ll send there to pick the fruit. Hopefully this will also kill off many dangerous Antarctic animals like the killer whale, the penguin and the abominable snowman. Climate change will also do wonders for Australia’s tourism industry. Rising temperatures will make Tasmania the Hawaii of the South while tropical paradises, like Cairns or Noosa, will become Super Hawaiis. Aloha, Queensland! A warmer ocean will also kill off the Great Barrier Reef making it easier for our scientists to count all the types of fish. But it’s not all positives – any transition is hard. Expect to see more cyclones, hurricanes and floods. It will actually be a boon for the construction sector. Large swathes of cities and towns will be decimated and subsequently will need to be rebuilt and these makeovers will ensure our cities are modern enough to compete in a global economy. Of course, we don’t actually believe in climate change. It’s just if climate change was real, rest assured it would be a good thing and not the literal apocalypse like all the scientists are telling us.

Maurice Vega

27 Responses

  1. I'd like to apologise to the rest of the world for the Australian government's bumblefuckery. Many of us are aware that when you turn your back on science, you turn your back on reality.

  2. Blahaha, so funny, I guess we can add these predictions to all the others that have not been correct over the last 30 years………Try as you might but people are waking up to the Climate Change scam!

  3. I am confused, I read in the ABC news that the red meat industry will be carbon neutral by 2030, (basically by taxing farmers for cow farts), but the government is all in for  selling the Adani coal mine to India, to export coal to burn over there while we ARE WORKING OVERTIME TO CLOSE OUR COAL Fired plants. Does India have a separate atmosphere, or do our pollies think we are gullible and stupid?

  4. It is astounding that so many people take this seriously. It is a JOKE, a satire. The whole point of it is to draw attention to Australia’s appalling environmental record. Co2 emissions are out of control and per capita, are close to the highest in the world. Land clearing has for many years been almost as fast as clearing of the Amazon, the government is totally addicted to coal and is opening new mines. The previous prime minister is a climate change skeptic and has plenty of support.There is also a serious call from the right wing of the government to open another coal fired power station . Heritage areas are under threat , and the Australian government persuaded the United Nations not to have the Great Barrier Reef listed as endangered (which it clearly is). A widely published report of earlier this year, names Australia as leading the world in the rate of mammal extinction. Australia is committed to rising consumption, resource exploitation wherever possible. There is also a call from within the government side of politics to abandon the Paris Agreement. Satire is a way of driving home the point that Australia’s climate and environmental credentials are shocking. For this it does not get enough credit !

  5. To all the climate deniers, look at how we have raped and abused this planet. What if global warming is a hoax? Does that really change anything? We are headed for a dead planet. Look around. Do you think it's ok what we have done? It's ok? Because Christians are going to heaven? Oh, I mean some Christians, the ones that go to your church.

  6. Here are the numbers of coal plants in the world today:

    The EU has 468 plants building 27 more for a total of 495
    Turkey has 56 plants building 93 more total 149
    South Africa has 79 building 24 more total 103
    India has 589 building 446 more total 1036
    Philippines has 19 building 60 more total 79
    South Korea has 58 building 26 more total 84
    Japan has 90 building 45 more total 135
    AND CHINA has 2363 building 1171 total 3534
    AUSTRALIA is planning to shut down their remaining 6 plants and save the planet – Go Australia !

  7. 0.04 of the worlds atmosphere is carbon dioxide. Of that 97% occurs naturally 3% is manmade. Just what is the benefit to mankind if we reduce our output by half?
    And of that 3% Australia is responsible for around 1.5%
    In other words, we are all being taken for a ride. But heck, someones got to get rich eh!.

  8. Why do people always say "I'm not going to give numbers but they are on my side" ??? that blond twit lol Australia produces 0.07% of global emissions, the jungle fire in Brazil put more co2 in the air than Australia does in a year, and if you want to save this world (world doesn't need it we do) then don't drive or fly, no electricity, no toilet, no shopping at all you get what you need by hunting and gathering then you wont leave a eco foot print, can or would you do it hippy's???? nope

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